Mr Sparkles!
by xpunkedfreakx
Summary: Just a crack fic I decided to write. Includes things like unicorns, sparkles, Punk/Jericho friendship, and Randy being a jerkoff.


"So, uh, what should we do with it?" Cena said as he stared in awe at the mystical beast in front of him.,

"Call animal control?" Suggested the Viper as he shifted awkwardly. His response earned an incredulous look from his best friend. Randy avoided Cena's eyes and instead turned to glance around in the empty locker room. Both men had shown up to RAW early, hoping to get a few practice matches in for their main event tonight. Instead of a grueling workout, they found this... thing, waiting for them in the locker room. No one else has bothered to show up yet, leaving them to deal with the extremely confusing situation before them. The... creature... was in the shower area, blocking it off from the sweaty, frightened men. Randy had done a good job of keeping a large amount of space between the beast and himself. John, on the other hand, decided to take a few extra steps closer to it to examine it's features. He thought he was being bold, but Randy figured it to be stupidity. After all, curiosity killed the cat, right?

"Really, Orton? Like hell the freakin' animal control is gonna know what to do with this thing!" John yelled as he threw his large, muscular arms up in the air. The action alarmed the creature causing it to jump and make strange noises. Cena quickly ran to his friend's side, hoping for some protection. However, Randy made no move to help him. After a few silent and very intense moments, the animal went back to staring at the cautious males. Suddenly, the sound of the door being pushed open caused the wrestlers to turn their attention towards the door. It's about time someone showed up. The newest arrival to the shocking scene was no other than the straight edged superstar, CM Punk. Not paying any attention to the danger he had just walked into, he strolled over to his locker and dropped his gym bag. Just as he had begun to pull his shirt off, he felt that something was off.

"You guys are being awfully quiet over there... you're not doing something weird are you?" Punk said as he passed a row of lockers, looking for the two guys that were the owner's of the duffel bags that were on the bench next to his. He quickly came to a halt as he found the men... and the beast.

"WHOA, IS THAT A UNICORN?" Punk exclaimed as he started to grin. Cena and Orton turned to give him a look suggesting that he was insane. He shrugged it off and gawked at the rainbow colored unicorn in front of him. It thrashed about and shook it's head. Instead of shying away from the animal like John had done earlier, Punk only walked closer to the unicorn. He reached out and stroked it's rainbow mane. The unicorn hummed in appreciation, enjoying the wrestler's affection. It leaned into his touch, nearly taking the superstar's eye out with it's glistening horn.,

"Calm down, girl" said the straight edged star with a laugh. The unicorn huffed in Punk's face and it whined loudly. The noise startled John making him jump. He clung onto Randy's tattooed arm for safety while the Viper just stood there motionless.,

"Oh, sorry. I mean boy" he apologized and surprisingly, the unicorn seemed to understand him. What was even more strange was the fact that Punk understood the creature in the first place.,

"Well, Phil seems to have the situation under control. Come on, John, let's get out of here..." said Randy in his usual husky tone. John was worried about him, he showed no sign of any interest in the fantasy animal. Maybe this isn't the first time he's seen a unicorn. 'pfft, yeah right...' the older man thought to himself as he let himself be dragged away from the scene. Just as they were about to leave the room, someone came in. The young brunette blocked their exit, making Randy grumble in annoyance. He just wanted to get the heck out of there! Cody glared at the Viper.

"And where do you two think you're going?" Cody asked as he shot looks of hatred at Cena. Every since Randy had started spending more time with him, Cody seemed to be getting a bit edge. Like he was jealous. Though Randy secretly liked the attention, he was in no mood for it right now.

"We're gonna go practice. So if you would move your a-" The Viper was interrupted by a loud chuckle and the sound of hooves hitting the concrete. Just great.

"What's going on in here?" Cody asked as he looked past Randy's shoulder. His brown eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Nothing..." Randy mumbled and tried to shove his way past the brunette. Just when they were about out the door, Cena decided to open his big mouth.

"There's a unicorn!" John blurted out and Randy elbowed him in the side. The older man winced and gave a sorry look to his friend.,

"Are you on drugs or something?" Cody asked as he stared at Cena like he had three heads. John focused his look upon the dirty ground while Randy debated whether or not he should just punch Cody and run, leaving Cena behind. He slowly raised his fist, but before he could make a run for it, Punk called out.

"Oh, hey Mr. Dashing... Do ya like my ride?" Punk said as he started cracking up. He was sitting on top of the unicorn as it trotted out from behind the lockers. Cody gasped in surprise and looked at the other two wrestlers to see their reaction. Randy started emotionless back at him while John tried to stifle a laugh.,

"What the f-",

"Hey, watch your language around Prince Jasper!" Punk yelled at the younger superstar.

"Prince Jasper?" Randy scoffed at the man and shook his head.

"I like the name!" John exclaimed excitedly. Cody shrugged and crossed his arms.

"Thanks, he picked it out himself" Punk smiled, happy that someone didn't think he was a total freak.,

"He picked it out himself? Seriously! Since when did you become a unicorn Whisperer, Phil?" Randy said as he tried to ruin the mood.,

"Oh, please. Randal, quit being such a downer. This is awesome!" Cody yelled as he and John shared looks of happiness. Randy growled in anger, he hated it when people called him by his full name.,

"Did somebody say AWESOMEEEE?" Came the loud, obnoxious voice of Mike the Miz. Not only did he enter the locker room, but so did Zack and Sheamus.,

"RYDER IN THE HOUSE. WOO WOO WOO YOU KNO- what the..." Zack said as he took in the scene in front of him. John was clinging on Randy and Cody was laughing his butt off. But that's not the craziest part. The craziest part was that CM Punk, otherwise known as Phil, was sitting a unicorn. A rainbow freakin' unicorn!

"What's going on here, fellas?" Sheamus asked in his thick Irish accent. Randy figured it was time to tell the whole story.

"Well," he started off, "it all started when John and I came in to practice early..." He earned a glare from Cody. "then we saw this... THING just chilling out in the showers. I was about to call animal control when the unicorn Whisperer decided to show up" Randy said as he pointed at Phil. Phil rolled his eyes and continued to pet his new friend. "Then I decided that John and I should just leave Punk here, so we went to go then freakin' Cody had to block the exit!",

"Whatever..." Cody said clearly annoyed by Randy's attitude.,

"Then you guys showed up... and here we are!" finished The Viper as he glanced at the newcomers, studying their reactions. They all stared blankly back at him. Randy sighed. Then... they all burst out into laughter. Everyone was cracking up, all except for Randy.,

"So... who does it belong to?" Miz asked. No one knew the answer, but thought about who could own the creature.

"His name is Prince Jasper!" Punk said, upset that people were referring to his friend/pet as an 'it'.,

"Okay, so then who does Prince Jasper belong to?" Miz corrected himself while everyone got quiet again.

"Whoever it is has to be really awesome! I mean, it's not like everyone just has a unicorn these days.." said Zack.

"What are you doing? GET OFF OF CAPTAIN SPARKLES!" screamed an unknown man's voice. Suddenly, Chris Jericho came out of nowhere and began to go off on Punk. His light up jacket was glittering, which made him seem less of a threat than he really was. The tight, bedazzled jeans didn't help either. As he tried to shove Punk off of Prince Jasper/Captain Sparkles, Punk argued back.

"HIS NAME IS PRINCE JASPER!" Punk said as he slapped Jericho's hand away. Miz, Zack, and Cody were laughing away, while Sheamus tried to calm everyone down. John was freaking out, afraid that the unicorn would go crazy and harm him due to the action. All the while, Randy stood there wondering if he had enough energy to RKO everybody and get the hell outta there.,

"What are you fools laughing at? Shut up!" Jericho growled at the giggling wrestlers. He tugged on Punk's arm, causing the superstar to fall off the unicorn. Punk landed on Jericho, causing them both to fall to the ground. This only made everyone laugh harder. Even Randy couldn't help but chuckle at the unfortunate sight of Chris trying to wiggle out from beneath Phil. Captain Sparkles or whatever began to stomp around, alerting the guests in the room.

"Whoa, calm down, fellas" Sheamus said as he lifted Punk up by his white tee. Jericho scrambled up and ran over to his pet. He stroked it and it immediately calmed down. Captain Sparkles nuzzled into Chris, making sure the horn did not hurt his owner. Everyone else remained silent as they stared at Jericho. No one spoke, making everything out to be extremely awkward.,

"So... Mr. Sparkles has a pet unicorn named Captain Sparkles?" Punk said with a chuckle, breaking the silence. Instantly, all of the wrestlers began to laugh and tease Chris. Even Randy was laughing despite being in such a sour mood earlier. Jericho's face burned brighter than the hair on Sheamus' head. He glared daggers at Punk who was holding onto Zack's arm, nearly falling to the floor with laughter. ,

"Shuddup..." Chris mumbled as he began to pout. Punk walked over to the man and placed a hand on his shoulder, laughing right in his face. It took all of Jericho's self control to not lean over and punch the man.,

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Chris shouted as he started to tear up. He wiped his eyes quickly, hoping that no one would notice. Phil did. He stopped his goofing around and gave Chris a sad look. He kinda felt a bit guilty for teasing him. After all, he's practically bullying the other man. 'Be A Star... Not a jerk' Punk thought and raised his hand in the air, signaling to the other pro wrestlers to be quiet. While trying to calm the others down, Punk noticed Jericho trying to slip away. He grabbed onto the leather jacketed arm of Chris and pulled him into a hug. His bearded face rubbed against blonde hair as he embraced the other man. Chris stood frozen, he had never seen Punk be so friendly with him before.

He liked it.

Slowly he raised his arms around the other superstar. The surprising action from both the men, caused everyone to get real quiet. Now they could all hear Jericho's quiet sobs that were muffled by Punk's chest.

"Shh, I'm sorry Chris. I didn't mean to tease you... I'm a terrible man, I know. Also, you have the coolest unicorn ever, okay?" As they continued to hug each other, Randy gathered the other guys attention. He motioned for them to follow him and one by one they left the locker room. Leaving both men to have some peace and hopefully comfort. After a few minutes, Jericho stopped crying and sniffled a little. He glanced up at Phil with tear stained eyes.

"Y-You really mean that?" Chris asked in a small voice. Punk nodded and Chris slowly began to smile. He nuzzled his face into Punk's should once more before pulling away. They stood there for a moment, just smiling at each other.

"So... Uhhh.. You wanna ride Captain Sparkles with me?" Chris asked eagerly, hoping that Punk would accept his offer. Without giving him an answer, Phil climbed up onto the unicorn and pulled Jericho up with him. He placed Chris in front of him and held onto his shoulders in preparation for the wild ride.

"By the way, Phil" Jericho started as Punk smiled at the use of his actual name, "Captain Sparkles isn't a unicorn... He's a Pegasus!" Chris said and right after that, Captain Sparkles grew large, white wings. He flapped them about a bit as much as he could in the locker room area.

"You ready?" Jericho asked as he turned to look at the man behind him. Punk's face lit up brightly as he exclaimed.

"LET'S GO, MR. SPARKLES!" And away they flew, out the door, out of the arena, and out of this world.,


End file.
